My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
