I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I puked a lego.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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