i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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