Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
