I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
