you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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