$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
