no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
