I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
