I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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