my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
