Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
