Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
