I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
