I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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