This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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