I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
