dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
