You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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