in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
