white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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