Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
