Where did you get a picture of my penis
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
