sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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