What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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