We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
