I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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