i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
