she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
