so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
