I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am mentally ready for anal.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
