So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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