Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
