Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
