i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
