Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
