At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
