I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
