I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
