I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
