Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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