You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
