I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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