what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
