who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
