Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
