Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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