just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Success! We fucked roommates!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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