You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
