yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
