So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
