oh god the rape fog is back!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
