I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
