As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
