Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
