She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
did you just send me my own nude
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
