my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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