He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
