Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
