I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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