so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
