At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
